Love Sucks
by Pavane
Summary: Parvati and Lavender have a little discussion about Hermione's love life, but they are frequently interrupted during their musing by Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who brings with her a little surprise.


**Author's Note: **Please note that I wrote this story before HBP, so consider this an AU fic or whatever, at least regarding the romantic relationships. Also, a big thank-you to **Wild Blood Rose** for pointing out that the characters' vocabulary should not sound so American, as well as a bow of respect to **akscully**, author of _A Different Perspective_, for inspiring my own take on how Hermione's peers would discuss her love life.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that has to do with Harry Potter, except for the plot of this short fic.

* * *

"I think Hermione will end up with Ron," declared Lavender. She plopped down on a spare armchair nearest the empty fireplace, and looked over at Parvati scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment. Obviously, the information didn't properly register, so Lavender tried again.

"Did you hear me, Parvi? I said-"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you," came Parvati's irritated voice. She stopped scribbling long enough to look at her friend closely. "And what brought about this sudden bit of info? Last time I checked, you were quite smitten with the redhead yourself."

The other girl blushed, turning her face towards the stone hearth again. "Oh, Parvi, that was only my immature third-year self! We've almost finished sixth year now; don't you think I've gotten over him since then? And besides, I already have a boyfriend. Theodore Nott."

Parvati almost spilled blue ink all over her skirt. "Wh-what? You-you don't mean – th-that _Slytherin?!_ Why, Lav, of all the people –"

"Now, now, Parvati dear, save your lecture on my taste in boys for another time. We're focusing on _Hermione_ here!"

"Right."

Lavender got up and began walking around the room. "Well, I've been noticing those – looks, shall we say, - Hermy's been giving Ron lately. It's sort of like those flirting glances I used to do at Ron back in third year, but he was too thick to notice. He even had the nerve to ask if there was anything in his teeth once!" Lavender stopped pacing, and glared at nothing in particular. Parvati had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing, but insisted, "Go on."

"Anyways, yes, that's pretty much all of my proof. Oh, no, wait. What about second year?"

"What about it?"

"Remember when-"

"Hello, Lavender! Hello, Parvati!" Ron came bounding down the boys' dorm stairs, fresh from showering off the dirt from the morning's Quidditch practice. "What are you all talking about?"

Both girls turned around, only to find the indirect subject of their conversation standing right before them. Lavender colored profusely, half from the sight of Ron in nothing but a T-shirt and boxers, and half from being caught talking about him. While Lavender tried babbling out an answer, much to Ron's confusion, Parvati stepped in and said, "Oh, we're just talking about girl stuff."

She stepped closer, blocking Ron's view of the quickly reddening Lavender. Parvati winked slyly at him. "You know, _girl_ stuff."

"Oh. Right. Well, erm, I'm off to, uh, - good Lord! I have no pants on! Sorry, girls! I've got to find my pants!" With that, Ron dashed back up the stairs and slammed the boys' dorm door shut behind him.

Parvati breathed sigh of relief, then turned around to find Lavender still gaping at the closed door, open-mouthed. This time, her laughter couldn't be contained. Parvati just sort of sank to the floor, clutching her sides and rolling around the carpet, laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Lavender regained her senses, and her normal face color, and still found Parvati beating her fists on the carpet in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Oh, SHUT UP!"

Still laughter. Now tears were leaking out of Parvi's eyes, but no more fist-beating. Just lying prone on the ground, laughing her butt off.

"PARVATI PATIL! CONTROL YOURSELF, WOMAN!" Lavender roared, in her best angry-McGonagall imitation.

That stopped her. Now it was Lavender's turn to breathe a sigh of relief.

Parvati stood up, sides aching, and wiped the tears away from her eyes. "Sorry, Lav, it was just too much. I mean, we were JUST talking about him and poof! He appears! And then, your face! You looked like you saw – who was it you were enamored with in first year? Oh, right – _Oliver Wood_ standing stark naked in the middle of the room! I swear, Lav, sometimes you're easier to read than you think."

Lavender made a huffing noise and sat cross-legged on the carpet next to her. Finger-brushing her hair absentmindedly, she replied, "I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. And besides, we're getting off topic again."

She fixed a mock-serious glare on her face and said, "Now, let's get back to Hermione, shall we? As I was saying, before we were _rudely_ interrupted – "

Parvati grinned, but didn't comment further.

" – remember in second year? At the End of the Year Feast, how she came back from the Hospital and practically ran to hug Harry, but not Ron? She hesitantly shook hands with him, wearing that shy smile of hers. That's proof for me."

Parvati snorted. "_That's_ proof?" she asked incredulously. "It sounds like you've been reading too many of those trashy Muggle romance novels Hogsmeade bookstores always sell. I think you're just drawing your own conclusion from things. Which, I might add, is so very wrong."

"Oh yeah? Try me, Miss I-know-everything-there-is-to-know-about-Hermione's-love-life!"

"I accept the challenge." Parvati rose from her spot on the plush burgundy carpet and began pacing around the room just as Lavender did before.

"I'm not sure if those so-called flirty glances are true, Lavender. I mean, I was with you the day you claim they started it. It was the day before that huge Transfiguration test; practically everyone in the school crammed into the library. The only reason why Hermione had a reason to stare at Mr. Redhead was because he was trying to impress her with his lame jokes while she was being ever-so-studious."

"Go on."

Parvati cleared her throat. "Right, the lame jokes. But after you got all excited and started to blab the news to everyone else in the library, I watched her. Whenever Ron stared at the ceiling to think up more stupid cracks, Hermione always returned her focus to Harry. If I remember correctly, he was working on the extra Charms homework Professor Flitwick gave him for N.E.W.T.s next year."

Lavender stopped fiddling with her hair, and cocked her head to one side. "N.E.W.T.s? Those are a year from now!"

"Yes, I know, but I think Harry's – "

"Did I hear my name?"

It happened again. The other indirect subject of the conversation just HAD to walk in at that exact moment. Harry climbed through the portrait hole, carrying his broom on his shoulder. Taking off his glasses, he approached the two girls.

"Hello, Lavender and Parvati. Were you all talking about me?"

Parvati tried to answer, but was struck speechless at the sight of Harry. He had a pair of dark blue jeans on, and a black T-shirt coupled with a loose-fitting denim jacket. In short, he looked too dressed up for a casual Saturday morning at Hogwarts.

Lavender noticed her friend's temporary speech impediment, and answered for both of them, "Yeah, we were. Nothing bad, mind you, but just about why Flitwick gave you extra Charms work."

Harry pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it. "Oh, that. Yeah, I've been getting lots of questions from everyone, especially Malfoy. It's because I've been doing so well in his class, or so I'm told, and so he wants to see if I'm good enough for the N.E.W.T class next year."

"Oh, I see. Anyways, about your outfit. You look too dressy in those Muggle clothes for just a Saturday morning walk."

Harry smiled his most charming smile, and replied, "Heh, I'm glad you asked. The Daily Prophet wanted to do a shoot of the 25 Best-Looking Boys of Hogwarts, and naturally, most of the female population voted me in as number one! So I had to fly down to Hogsmeade station this morning and take the Hogwarts Express back to London, along with the other boys. Of course, Ron being the Quidditch captain and all, he gave me official leave."

Lavender giggled at the boast, and could almost visualize the imaginary swelling of his head. "Really? Who were the other nominees, then?"

By this time, Parvati recovered from her shock at seeing one of Hogwarts' better-looking bachelors in a fashionable outfit, and snapped, "Lavender! We're really getting off topic here! Sorry, Harry, but this is between us girls."

Unlike Ron, Harry immediately caught on, and winked to both of them. "All right, I know when I'm not wanted. But behave yourselves! I don't want to hear anything illicit come out of those pretty little mouths!" He got up, shouldered his broom, and threw them a dashing smile before going up to the boys' dorm, probably to find Ron.

When he was gone, both girls burst into pleased laughter. "Oh my gosh! He is the biggest flirt I've ever known!" exclaimed Lavender between giggles.

"But a very good-looking flirt, Lav!"

"I agree. Okay, now I hope there aren't any more interruptions. As you were saying, Parvati?"

"Right. Well, Harry's answered your little question. But what I was trying to prove, was that Hermione's really got eyes only for Harry. I mean, her eyes kept flicking over to him every so often, and followed his every move when he got up to check another book out. And I don't blame her for liking him! He's _hot_!"

"That your fourth-year self talking, Parvi?"

The other tugged self-consciously at her ear. "Yes, and no. I have more proof, really, besides her little furtive glances at Harry. In second year, everyone assumed they hugged at the end because they were the best of friends, and of course, best friends are never shy at showing their affections. I disagree only with the fact that they are just best friends now."

"Why couldn't they be? It'd be so horrible if Harry and Hermione got together! They seem so close, like brother and sister!" Lavender made a fake gagging noise.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about! People perceive them as brother and sister, and therefore attach to that the wrongness of incest! But they AREN'T related! And if they really like each other, our opinions won't matter to them, because they're happy!"

"And, anyways," Parvati continued, "remember this past Christmas? Professor Dumbledore had us people who were staying at Hogwarts play this horrid mistletoe game one night! You remember that, don't you? Don't you?"

Lavender had a faraway look on her face as she answered, "Yeah, that's how I met Theodore! But what does that have to do with Mr. Flirty and Miss Know-It-All?"

"The rules of the game were to walk around the Great Hall with our eyes closed until the music stopped. When it did, whoever was nearest a clump of mistletoe would choose someone and kiss. Of course, it had to be a person of the opposite sex."

"And it happened that Hermione chose Harry. I remember now. But that doesn't prove anything! There wasn't any other boy in there she knew, except him! So, of COURSE she'd choose Harry!"

Parvati thought for a minute, then said, "Well, there was Malfoy who stayed too. Something about his manor being searched by the Ministry or whatever."

Lavender shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose, but who would want to kiss that slimy git anyway? He tortured Hermione ever since first year! Do you think she'd pick HIM to lock lips with, when her best friend was standing right next to her?!"

"True, true."

"I still think Ron will end up with Hermione. There are loads of reasons why, I just can't think of any right now that I haven't said," mused Lavender

"I think Harry will. He's way better-looking, smarter, funnier, etc, than Ron."

"Hey! Don't dis Ron!"

"But it's the truth!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Liar!"

"Are you calling me a liar?!"

"That's what I said!"

"It's Harry!"

"It's Ron!"

"Harry!"

"Ron!"

"Harry!"

"Ron!"

"HARRY!"

"RON!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!"

Both girls turned to look at the intruder on their argument. "You guys are so loud, I could hear you from _outside_ the portrait hole! And what the devil are you arguing about, anyway?"

Lavender and Parvati looked at each other, then back at Hermione. "Er…uh…ahem…well, you see…"

Hermione rolled her eyes, and said, "Let me guess...was it about which of my best friends I'd end up with? Is that it?"

Two pairs of eyes widened. "How did you know?!" asked the two girls.

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "I'm not stupid, you know. That subject's been the only thing you two have talked about these past two weeks! If you want to find out who I'm really going to end up with, it's neither Harry, nor Ron."

Hermione looked over her left shoulder, and called, "Come in, Oliver!"

Both girls found the previous spill of information surprising, but their jaws dropped even further as a very tall, and very sexy, Oliver Wood came strolling through the portrait hole.

"This is Oliver, if you didn't already know. He's on a leave of absence from his Quidditch team this summer, so he'll be staying here for the rest of our short school year. We've been dating since January," Hermione stated matter-of-factly. "And now, we're going to surprise Harry and Ron for a bit. See you later!" Hermione tugged on Oliver's sleeve, who smiled apologetically at the girls, and dragged him to the boys' dorm.

Both girls remained speechless. After a few minutes, Parvati spoke. "H-how…?" she managed to say.

"Don't even say _anything_, Parvati," warned Lavender. "Let's just say…"

They looked at each other and finished the sentence together.

"Love sucks."


End file.
